Perspectives and Possibilities

My best friend just came back from Korea. In showing me the pictures, she cooed about how wonderful the place was and how nice it was to go somewhere different for a change, a less-than-veiled reference to my recent 'pilgrimages' to Hong Kong and the surrounding cities.

"It's so boring to go to nearby places all over again. Don't you want some variation and adventure in your life?" she said.

I pondered that statement for a while and believe that the answer stems not only from a difference in perspective, but more fundamentally, in the ways we live our daily lives.

Since I got to know her 8 years ago, I have been consistently telling her that in my opinion (and to be fair, it is only that) she needs to have more variety, more drive, more spontaneity in her life. I've implored her to step out of her comfort zone and embrace changes (when necessary) and to seek new challenges even if that undertaking would cause initial discomfort. Most importantly, I told her she needed to be able to, when the situation called for it, break out of unchanging routines and be comfortable (even look forward to) encountering and adapting to new people and situations.

But alas, little has changed. The strict regimen by which her life is ordered persists. When we are hanging out, she needs to leave by 9:00pm, at the most 9:30pm, and will vociferously defend her right to be 'home early'. That is about the only time she is vocal, for she still eschews making friends of her own and talking to mine. My parents wonder why she is the only one of my friends unable to hold a sustained conversation. Quite naturally, she is reluctant to do things that are out of the blue, too extreme, random and/or on the spur of the moment. Nothing wrong, it has to be said.

But I cannot help thinking that the holiday such as the recent one in Korea was more an avenue for escape, a chance to try something new, an opportunity to break out of the cocoon which, back home, she allows (and often encourages) to envelop her. To make doubly-sure she would get the most out of the holiday, she planned for months, did her research and listed down all the places she wanted to visit and things she wanted to do.

The holiday was a chance for variation, but more importantly, it was safe variation. Safe in the sense that she would get to see something new without the danger of being put in an awkward position. It was a chance to see a new place and new people without having to step out of her comfort zone.

But in Singapore... "This drama episode is exciting, let's finish it... - No way, you know I leave everyday at 9pm..."
"Go talk to my Dad, he looks bored... - But I have nothing to say to him..."
"Why don't you introduce yourself and make conversation with my boss... -But I don't know him. We have nothing to talk about..."
"Hey, the emcee is asking for female volunteers. Why don't you go? There's a free prize... -What, you want me to make a fool of myself?"
"Let's try something different today and audition for a TV Game show... -Don't want to. We won't get in anyway."
"Let's get out of the country for the weekend... -You crazy? At such short notice?"

I suppose that when one knowingly snuffs out every risk of awkwardness, of not being in control of the situation, of breaking from one's well-established routine, then a trip such as that to Korea would be a dream come true.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against going on long trips to see and experience different places and cultures. Indeed, I hope to one day, when time and finances permit, travel far and wide to soak in the wonder and diversity of what humanity has to offer.

But in the meantime, while temporal and fiscal constraints still subsist, I would like to explain why I do not think it necessary to fly far away to generate excitement in life. I think there is lots of room for dynamism in the daily grind if we would only embrace the opportunity for new experiences and seek out new challenges. I am by no means obsessed with the rat race but I do think that it is important that we give off our best in all our endeavours and always look for opportunities to develop and to experience and to learn.

My trips away from Singapore nowadays are, therefore, attempts to get away from familiar scenery and daily routines so as to recharge and reflect. That is why I enjoy nothing more walking down the streets of Hong Kong or KL, immersing myself in my immediate environment and just soaking in the atmosphere of the place. That contrasts quite starkly with all the hurried rushing about in a bid to see everything of interest when I do travel with my friend.

"But we've seen everything there is to see over there," my friend used to say when I wanted to revisit Hong Kong or KL. She never understood that the reason I returned was not to see, but to think, and more importantly, to feel.

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Rabbit, if you are reading, you will know that, ironically, I first experienced this feeling on what was suppposed to be one of the saddest days of my life. When, years ago, on the day you went from being my girlfriend to my best friend, I took a half day's leave and went to Johor Bahru. I didn't know what to do so I took a bus to KL. When I reached there, I didn't even know what to think, so I took a taxi to Ipoh.

On the journey to Ipoh, I noticed that just when the sky was darkest, the stars came out. And I suddenly realised that although I felt sad and scared that the future was uncertain, building up inside of me was a feeling of excitement and exhilaration. There were possibilities!

Once again, I was the architect of my own fate and the engineer of my own destiny. That is why, Rabbit, I want to tell you that things cannot work out as they are. I cannot squeeze nor hope to fit into the cocoon nor within barriers that you have built to keep yourself safe. Aeroplanes are safest on the ground. But then they are also useless.

If you would just open your eyes - No, close them at first if you have to - but just step out into the unknown and experience life in all its splendour, take risks, you will find that the possibilities for someone as sweet and nice stretch far greater than you ever imagine.

And then, if after everything, we are still meant to fly together, I will once more feel the exhilaration that I first felt while heading towards Ipoh, because amidst all the wonderful certainty there would truly be possibilities.

For now, more than anything else, I ask you to take some time to decide what is important to you, what you truly believe in, and most importantly, what you feel makes life worth living.