(Excerpts from...) THE ROCK CRIES OUT TO US TODAY

A Rock, A River, A Tree
Hosts to species long since departed,
Mark the mastodon.
The dinosaur, who left dry tokens
Of their sojourn here
On our planet floor,
Any broad alarm of their of their hastening doom
Is lost in the gloom of dust and ages.
But today, the Rock cries out to us, clearly, forcefully,
Come, you may stand upon my
Back and face your distant destiny,
But seek no haven in my shadow.
I will give you no hiding place down here.
You, created only a little lower than
The angels, have crouched too long in
The bruising darkness,
Have lain too long
Face down in ignorance.
Your mouths spelling words
Armed for slaughter.
The rock cries out today, you may stand on me,
But do not hide your face.

Across the wall of the world,
A river sings a beautiful song,
Come rest here by my side.
Each of you a bordered country,
Delicate and strangely made proud,
Yet thrusting perpetually under siege.
Your armed struggles for profit
Have left collars of waste upon
My shore, currents of debris upon my breast.
Yet, today I call you to my riverside,
If you will study war no more.
Come, clad in peace and I will sing the songs
The Creator gave to me when I
And the tree and stone were one.
Before cynicism was a bloody sear across your brow
And when you yet knew you still knew nothing.
The river sings and sings on.
There is a true yearning to respond to
The singing river and the wise rock.
...................

Here, root yourselves beside me.
I am the tree planted by the river,
Which will not be moved.
I, the rock, I the river, I the tree
I am yours--your passages have been paid.
Lift up your faces, you have a piercing need
For this bright morning dawning for you.
History, despite its wrenching pain,
Cannot be unlived, and if faced with courage,
Need not be lived again.
Lift up your eyes upon
The day breaking for you.
Give birth again
To the dream.
Women, children, men,
Take it into the palms of your hands.
Mold it into the shape of your most
Private need. Sculpt it into
The image of your most public self.
Lift up your hearts.
Each new hour holds new chances
For new beginnings.
Do not be wedded forever
To fear, yoked eternally
To brutishness.
The horizon leans forward,
Offering you space to place new steps of change.
Here, on the pulse of this fine day
You may have the courage
To look up and out upon me,
The rock, the river, the tree, your country.
No less to Midas than the mendicant.
No less to you now than the mastodon then.
Here on the pulse of this new day
You may have the grace to look up and out
And into your sister's eyes,
Into your brother's face, your country
And say simply
Very simply
With hope
Good morning.

Maya Angelou

Undefeated

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

 

William Ernest Henley

Why?

I had thought of what to write but I suddenly forgot, went blank. That's strange, because I am by nature a ruer who dwells on things. But I guess this lapse is ok because things happen pretty suddenly these days.

And that's the thing. Perhaps it would be easier to accept if there was some warning. I had been talking to him the day before and he looked reasonably stable. The doctors said that the pneumonia was definitely improving. His last message to me in the morning was "Have a good time" with reference to my trip.

Time. That's what I feel I lost. Everybody goes one day. But so many people have so much more time. But I guess I should be grateful for there are others who have had so much less. And for the time I did have. But as I said earlier I am by nature a ruer, and I keep wondering what might have been.

I am for the most part fine these days, until my brilliant but unstable mind starts making connections and linkages. "I remember the last time we were here....." "It was just last week when we were talking about this....." " He always wanted to come here...."

People say things go in stages.... Denial, Anger, Resignation, Acceptance, was it that? But because it happened so quickly, so suddenly, I guess I'm still caught at Stage 1. Sometimes it feels as if nothing has changed, that he is just round the corner, at home waiting, watching TV.

But everything has changed. No matter what happiness awaits me in life, things will never be the same.

But... And this I just thought of on the spur, at this moment, I guess I have to go out and find whatever happiness that I can still find.

Because that is what he would have wanted.

Amazing....

To what extent can there be a confluence of factors calculated to scuttle my year, my life?

Sometimes the coincidences seem so unbelievable one starts to wonder if it is really one cosmic conspiracy. Well, if the aim be to make conditions as adverse for me as possible, then go ahead. There's nothing I can do anyway. But if it is to make me crumble, crack and beg for mercy, then think again, because if the hands that fate wants to deal me are the worst possible, then so be it.

But I shall go down fighting, defiant to the end, and with my third finger showing.

Go Get 'Em Girl

I know I write a lot of the time abut Jac and if you browse through the blog you'll see a lot of articles are written 'to' her. I mean, heck, The Slug Reviews is a response to the The Slog Reviews as she was the one who got me started on blogging, set up my blog account and so on and so forth. But just this once I'll be a little incestuous and write about her little sister, because I believe, Lynn, although your sister's going through some momentous time herself, you are about to go through the time of your life. Perhaps you could do with a bit of good wishes, though you hardly need them.

 I must admit, despite your good looks and intelligence, I wasn't bowled over by you initially (not that I am now, but I am deeply impressed and like you a lot). Indeed, your straight-talking and to-the-point conversation meant that to many, you portrayed what could be perceived as an air of arrogance. I now know that is indicative much more of a total lack of pretensions. And also the fact that you can actually be extremely diplomatic - the fact that your conversation is no-holds-barred means that you have taken that person into your confidence.

I still remember I was none too pleased when, three years ago, the first time you came to my place, you insisted on seeing my cat, meaning that I had to clamber through my store room, knocking over piles of junk in the process, just so you could see that frightened little thing.

I was quite touched the second time you came to my house a few weeks ago, however, to say hello to my Dad and to take a picture with him because he had said in jest that he would dearly love to see Miss Singapore in person. He's in quite bad shape now in hospital because of a chest infection and I'm sure like your sister, who has shown every concern, you wish him well too.

Anyhow, to get to the point, I just want to wish you all the best for the pageant in Las Vegas. As I said, I always believed that you deserved to go far in that, not because of how you look  but more because of your other attributes which so few of the many people who have now heard of you will ever see. (Ya, of course because you look fabulous too, but I have always thought you looked the most radiant in your natural self, without too much make up, accessories and false eyelashes - and that's a part of you so few people in Singapore will ever see....)

Anyway, I want to thank you for having more faith in me than I did in myself when I was going through a transition in my professional life, and comforting me with such understanding, compassion and disarming candour when I was going through turmoil in my personal life.

So, all the best! Enjoy the experience no matter what happened. I wondered which would be the first pictures I posted after almost a year of inactivity. I am delighted that they are of you, and honored to have known you as Lynn Tan, the very nice girl, long before you were Lynn Tan, Miss Singapore Universe.

Now, go knock 'em dead!

A Year

It has been just about a year since I last posted regularly. How does one even begin to describe how different I felt. It feels like just yesterday and at the same time eons away.

Back in December 2011, my life had some modicum of stability. Sure there was uncertainty - there always is - about the future but at least I knew what I wanted. A year ago, I was snug in my job of four years, having just finished a highly impressive first semester of my MBA programme. Since then, I have been to new countries (and continents), done new things and had new insights. But mostly, I was in a rut, stationary and perhaps moving backwards. And oh yes, I have since changed jobs twice (the first is documented in one of my earlier posts, the second not so - both experiences were painful). Routines which I comfortably took for granted are no more.

I guess life is like a blog. You have to work on it for hits to come your way. Sometimes you get knocked down and you decide to take a break and then you tell yourself you'll get back but you never do. And then much later you tell yourself you really, really must get back but then you realise how long it's been and you see how many things have changed and you feel discouraged and you tell yourself "another day", when you're feeling strong. But then if you were habitually feeling strong things wouldn't have come to this, would they. So you wait. "One day when I have really nothing to do, you tell yourself". And it goes on and on, for you can always think of something to do (though often times it is hardly as productive, merely a convenient excuse)....

But one day, one night more likely, there is nothing but silence. You don't feel like turning on the TV and all your books are read. You want to google something but the predictive text leads you to blogger and you figure... At least write something to fill the space ya?

So here it is/was. A space filler. As I said, life is like a blog. You need to work on it. But sometimes you let it go blank for days, other times you churn something, ramble on to fill the space, to pass the time. And on and on.................

________________________________

You know, I would really want to let all of you readers who still read (the existence of which is a big and tenuous assumption) know what has happened in the year, maybe show some pictures and stuff. Thing is... I have been away for so long, the format of blogger.com has changed. I'm not sure I know how to upload pictures anymore.

Just like life innit? You let things go, let yourself go and you find that things have moved on without you... Till next time!