When You Believe

Just happen to chance upon this song on Youtube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKaXY4IdZ40

Many years ago when it came out, I may not have appreciated as much as I thought it carried with it a slight religious undertone (seeing that it was for the movie about Moses). Given current circumstances, I suppose it could have general application

Many nights we prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hope for a song
We barely understood

Now we are not afraid
Although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains
Long before we knew we could, whoa, yes

There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill

Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe somehow you will
You will when you believe

In this time of fear
When prayer so often proves in vain

Hope seems like the summer bird
Too swiftly flown away
Yet now I'm standing here
My hearts so full, I can't explain

Seeking faith and speakin' words
I never thought I'd say
There can be miracles
When you believe 

Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill 
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve 

When you believe somehow you will
You will when you believe

They don't always happen when you ask
And its easy to give in to your fears
But when you're blinded by your pain
Can't see the way, get through the rain

A small but still, resilient voice
Says hope is very near, oh 
There can be miracles 
When you believe 

Though hope is frail 
Its hard to kill 
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve 

When you believe somehow you will 
Somehow you will 
You will when you believe 

How?

I don't know really how to write this... I wanted to do a piece a long time ago, when I was in a different frame of mind and I dallied. And now...

Anyway, maybe let's focus on a series of pictures...

Sometime in July, when I had my first operation in the UK, I decided that this would be my theme. Looking ahead, facing the challenges, the elements, trying to hold firm and most of all, embracing life and all its beauty no matter what. This was taken at the Needles on the Isle of Wight (when I forgot my coat).

I survived the operation. More simply, I survived. Full stop. To keep on partaking of life and all its wonders - and to occasionally blog.

Then in September, after my second operation, all my blood levels dropped and I had to be hositalized after returning to Singapore after infection took hold. I was discharged after 5 days but still didn't feel too good and then, my hair started to fall. One night, I just decided, heck, I would not lie in bed but just go out.... This picture was taken at the top of the Swisshotel. I think it was quite suitable at the time, with the view hazy (the forest first raging in Sumatra and other parts of Indonesia ensured we were suitably engulfed with the by-product) but with clear knowledge that there was the promise of light in the background.

This next one a few weeks later was from a hotel room in Kuching, overlooking the Sarawak River. You can see that all my hair had gone by then. But I was feeling better. And I liked the feeling of once more looking out at distant light during an otherwise dark night.

The months passed and the third operation came and went. And, briefly debilitating though the effects might have been, I picked myself out and hoped to push myself to greater heights - literally. There were some fears earlier in the year that I may not have made it through to the end of the year, but I did. And I wanted to celebrate that fact. This below was taken at Jade Dragon Snow Mountain in Lijiang at 4680m above sea level.

You know, all along, until very recently, I had always wanted to post this and use it as an inspiration, an exhortation to myself to always keep fighting, and make the most out of life, to never give up. To always hope and strive amidst periods of uncertainty.

But that was when things, hard as they were, seemed to be on an uptrend. But after the latest scan results, I don't know whether I can still do that. And if I can, for how long. It is now 530am in Southampton and I am waiting to meet the doctors in the morning, who I fear will confirm that the scans done a week ago in Singapore signify what I fear - that things have gone downhill, that the end is near.

In fact, I have been here since Saturday and have been trying to take my mind off this by seeing the sights, but somehow, today's meeting was always on my mind.... Of course, there were moments, when I was wondering how long I may have left, when my thoughts were interrupted and I experienced eternity. Hmmm.... A brief moment of eternity. I like that...

That set me thinking... maybe, just maybe, is it ok to now look back and let things be....After all, it has been a good life and a good fight. No more facing higher hurdle upon steeper impediment...

No...No, no.... That is not me. I fight, and hope, right till the end. I face the challenge head on. Come what may.

It is going to be tough and draining. And once again, for those of you who care, please cheer for me.